


Amazing Rap Skirmishes of Fiction: Hiccstrid vs. SoulMaka

by wordwarrior (regachoisiah)



Category: DreamWorks Dragons (Cartoon), Epic Rap Battles of History (Web Series), How to Train Your Dragon (Movies), Soul Eater, Soul Eater Not!
Genre: Alternate Universe - How to Train Your Dragon Fusion, Alternate Universe - Music, Alternate Universe - Noragami Fusion, Alternate Universe - Soul Eater Fusion, Battle Couple, Berk (How to Train Your Dragon), Bleach References, Crossover, Death Battle, Disney, Dreamworks, Epic Battles, Inspired by How to Train Your Dragon, Inspired by Music, Meisters, Music, Rap Battles, Rap Music, Soul Eater References, The Haddock Family (How to Train Your Dragon), Toy Story References, Valentine's Day, Vikings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:53:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29276508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regachoisiah/pseuds/wordwarrior
Summary: VALENTINE'S DAY SPECIAL!It's the dragon-training king and queen of the Vikings of Berk versus the bickering meister/weapon duo from Death City, Nevada, USA. And now...they're facing off to prove which couple/ship is the better rap duo...
Relationships: Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Astrid Hofferson, Maka Albarn/Soul Eater Evans
Kudos: 2
Collections: Amazing Rap Skirmishes of Fiction





	Amazing Rap Skirmishes of Fiction: Hiccstrid vs. SoulMaka

## AMAZING RAP SKIRMISHES OF FICTION! 

## HICCSTRID (HICCUP HORRENDOUS HADDOCK III / ASTRID HOFFERSON)

## 

## VERSUS

## SOULMAKA (SOUL EVANS / MAKA ALBARN)

## 

## BEGIN!

* * *

[(In case you want a beat while you read this, I was listening to this while writing the lyrics out)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rut0_8A_lW8&t=21s&ab_channel=AdonTrowbridge)

**Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III**

The name's Hiccup, I'm the king of the Vikings

I tame dragons, like how I'll tame Maka and her guy-thing 

**Astrid Hofferson**

Queen Astrid here, now let me make this clearer 

You may eat souls, but we're M.C. eaters

**Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III**

First point; this match-up feels unfair

Hiccstrid is canon, Soulmaka went nowhere

**Astrid Hofferson**

You're not actually a couple, your fans are in denial

But even your writers said your ship is dead, that's final

**Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III**

But enough with the ship talk, let's make this personal

Starting with you, Maka, don't think you're not burnable

You're a two-star meister, but you act like a baby in diapers

All because you need Soul to be a competent fighter

You're afraid Soul carries you in fights? Bitch, of course he does!

Your show is called "SOUL EATER", of course he gets all the buzz

Also, just because I'm a man, don't think I'm checking you out

I married a blonde bombshell, you look like a middle school dropout

You act like a misandrist pretending to be a feminist

And it's all because of your daddy issues, girl you need a therapist

Honestly, you really do based on what I know about you

Because you almost let Giriko assault you, is that actually true?

And it was all because you were jealous of Liz and Patty

Who'd ever want to be with you, you sound real batty 

You're getting burned, bitch, you can't handle my rapping blows

And as far as scythe-wielders go, people prefer Ruby Rose 

**Astrid Hofferson**

Enough with female Deku, let's go to Maka's sex toy

You're like a shittier Pinocchio, "I just wanna be a real boy!"

You're not even the best weapon on your show 

Justin Law is better, even he would have a better flow

Honestly, your brother Wes would be a better opponent 

He's a better musician, while you're bound to a second-rate shonen -

\- protagonist, whose claim to fame is just being female

Too bad that didn't stop your series from getting real stale 

Your show is a shittier Bleach, you stole Tim Burton's aesthetics 

And your gross fanservice is extremely pathetic 

Oops, I got carried away, let me turn it back to you

I got so bored of your character, I started giving your series a review

You shouldn't have crossed the Haddocks, beating us is a pipe dream

I wouldn't be surprised if you quit because of your low self-esteem

Last note, your relationship with Maka is your series' trademark?

Well that sucks since you're just an off-brand Jarvis and Tony Stark

* * *

**Maka Albarn**

Harsh words coming from dollar store Jon Snow and Daenerys

You crossed a student of the Grim Reaper, now you must both perish

**Soul Evans**

I'd eat your souls, but Cressida Cowell sold them to Dreamworks

But Maka and I'll beat you anyways, have you running back to Berk

**Maka Albarn**

So what if we're not canon, at least we're not a forced pairing

Just one ride on Toothless turned Astrid from hating to caring?

**Soul Evans**

And by the way, doesn't matter if your chemistry is the best in the world

Because Hiccstrid is just another example of loser guy gets amazing girl

**Maka Albarn**

Now that we addressed your overrated ship, let's talk for a minute Hiccup

Since you got a fetish for dragons, where else do you ask Toothless to lick up?

Too vulgar? I'm just saying, you must love Toothless more than a lad

Because I'd think twice about being friends with someone who killed off my dad

By the way, I have daddy issues? The pot's calling the kettle black

To get daddy's attention, you nearly killed Toothless after a dragon attack

You put your friends in danger because a picture of you looked too buff

And you're way too naive and trusting, your Nuts just aren't that Tuff

I'm hammering this point, but another reason for your daddy problems

You confronting Drago led to him being fallen

Okay, okay, you're getting tired of me dropping these dad bombs

That's okay, because I can roast you on your issues with mom

She's the reason why you hated dragons at first, but she wasn't actually dead

Must suck that rather than raise you, she stayed with the dragons instead

Now while I may not be perfect and I have plenty of shortcomings

I can at least sleep soundly that I wasn't in that shitty short Homecoming

**Soul Evans**

Tagging in here, let's move to Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

Your character became uninteresting after you started your romance

You were introduced as an ass-kicker, one of Berk's best fighters

But then you devolved into generic love interest, blame your writers

Maka and I are equals, you exist solely to be Hiccup's lover

And despite that, you only sometimes appear on the movie covers

Because Toothless is more important to you, you're secondary to the pet

It's to the point where your scenes are easy to forget 

But enough about that, I have plenty other insults to spare 

Like how your stupid pride almost got you killed by the Flightmare

And how you were only Chief for a few seconds in "The Serpent's Heir" 

And how you were right about Heather being a spy, but no one fucking cared

Oh, so you got bored of me? Well, I got tired of your franchise. 

It's just a watered-down adaptation, you left out the scene where Snotlout dies

But I understand why Dreamworks did what they did to the story

They wanted money, so they pandered to Disney's territory 

* * *

**Astrid Hofferson**

Oh shut up, don't act like Disney has an animation monopoly

We're great in our own right, a perfect blend of drama and comedy

Soul Eater is a second-rate Noragami but with zero thought 

And I'd rather kiss Grimmel the Grisly than watch "Soul Eater Not!"

**Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III**

How fitting that your spin-off's title is how people feel about your series

But then again, no one even remembers Soul Eater, clearly 

Just look at what happened when your Crona fought Venom in Death Battle

Most viewers said, "I don't know who that character is at all"

* * *

**Soul Evans**

Oh, so you're going after Crona now? You better sit your Viking asses down.

Your villains WISH they could be on Crona's level, they do our series proud

Like your middle name, Hiccup, your raps and your character are horrendous 

Almost as horrendous as your people's dragon codependence 

**Maka Albarn**

Don't think you got away, Astrid, I'm an equal opportunist in dissing

Like how your character development in the series just suddenly went missing

I'd talk about the cringe that is "RotBTD", but your series was already dumb before

Hiccup and Astrid lost this battle, just like how the third movie lost to "Toy Story 4"! 

* * *

## WHO WON? YOU DECIDE!

## AMAZING RAP SKIRMISHES OF FICTION!

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! Let's celebrate it with two fictional couples verbally beating each other down for no reason.
> 
> AN1: America Ferrera was in "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants", in case that reference didn't make sense
> 
> AN2: "How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World" lost to "Toy Story 4" at 92nd Academy Awards for Best Animated Feature


End file.
